Only One Sober

"Only One Sober"

It’s the worst when you’re at a party,

The only one who knows what’s going on

No drinks in your hand,

You feel like going for a walk on the sand

You become annoyed with all those there,

Every interaction absent of meaningful stare

Feels like the only way to have real fun

Would be to kiss someone very drunk,

The epitome of a total disregard for love

You always thought you’d be into the guy who doesn’t do this sort of stuff,

But you find yourself pining after one who has had more than enough

Knowing later the next day he’ll probably forget you were even here

Or, worse, grow tired with your boring, sober self near

Your friends seem to all have gone as well,

Enjoying themselves in some kind of alcoholic heaven while you’re stuck in real-life hell

Seeing these girls start to sway and fall,

You become disillusioned with it all

And seeing no purpose in staying,

Without going over the hostess and saying,

“Thank you for this wonderful time,”

You head out to the beach on a straight, somberly sober line

And you, on the sand, so cold

Think about dying and growing old

Pull out your phone

And record your emotions on “Voice Memos”

So that no one else can hear you,

So that no one else can disturb,

This small, sober place you’ve formulated into your very own little world.

What fun they must be having there

While you’re on the tip of the ocean, kicking off your shoes to strip your feet bare

And, finally, seeing no purpose,

You imagine yourself walking out without being nervous

And into the deep ocean you’ll go,

Guided by the moon’s dim glow,

You’ll finally bring yourself under,

In your own soft, calm, and quiet thunder

Knowing that no one can hear you or that no one even cares,

You can’t do anything but stop and stare

At the bottom of the ocean until you finally and endlessly just lay there.

...

But you don’t actually do that, of course

Dying would only make things infinitely worse

Instead, you allow yourself to cry

But then collect yourself after some time

You put back on your shoes,

And you walk back to the strand

You pull up some pump-up music, possibly even a boy band

You return to the party,

To finally say your respective goodbyes,

And when everyone is starting to leave,

Your friend grabs you to tell you that she wants something to eat

You’ll have an appetizer and then dessert

And the other guys at the table next to yours will try to flirt

She’ll describe her boredom at the party and all her plight,

Letting you know that this moment is the highlight of her night

You finally walk her home

As you sing and dance on the street

And when the time comes to say goodbye,

You get an uber

So that you can get a goodnight’s sleep.