- Sophia Marie George
The Intrigue of Isolation

"The Intrigue of Isolation"
I was so used to keeping my head down and looking only one way
I was so used to living in isolation, letting things just come, as moulin rouge declared, “as they may”
I used to count the cracks on the floor
And look at the materialistic stores until I got to flat
24
I wore my headphones
So that I didn’t have to engage with the world
In an auditory way
I didn’t have anything of value to discuss with those rich folks at the expensive, local street-side cafés
I’d listen to scandalous music, often Lana del Rey,
But my quiet demeanor was evidence that it never really altered the way I externally behaved
And so, when I caught you staring at me
When I was in the middle of a song,
Turned right at the right direction at the right time,
I wasn’t looking for anything.
It was just a happy accident; I blushed
Maybe you couldn’t really see the red, just the stupid smile
Because you were still kind of far away
Then I realized that this is a big place
I didn’t know if you meant it for me specifically
And so, I kept walking on the street without planning on stopping
But you said “hey”
In a way that my music couldn’t drown out
It was so loud and intrusive that I flailed as I entered the world of realism you were in
It took me a second to pause the song’s sad melancholy
It was actually quite rude, if anyone else were to bear witness and have to judge objectively
You not only got up to meet me at my standing level
But offered me a seat
I realized that even gorgeous people from afar look, up close, even more pretty
It’s the aspect of closeness, where I can see every inch of your face
And not have to resort to drawing characteristics of you in my head when my vision is blurry and pictures a far distance away seem to fade
You asked me who I was in an almost disbelieving way--
Like you never saw someone like me before
While we discussed, I wonder what made you drawn to me
Was it the way I spent an hour putting on my make-up and my dress
Or was it the way I walked in a diagonal trajectory while I assumed a face that made you think I thought introspectively
I think you saw that I was still kind of shaken up
And so you stopped your conversationalist train of thought
And, with an unexpected shift, told me that I looked lonely
***
And that was the water shed moment, the turning point,
Where I realized I was this little lost girl and you were a man, not some disguised hopeless, lovesick boy
You weren’t romantically interested in me in any way;
You were just a kind man who could guess I was from somewhere else and all alone in this foreign place
I never would have guessed that when I attempted to market my isolation as potential intrigue,
It would, instead, just wind up inviting pity
And so, I couldn’t help but get up and leave
And so, the other mornings,
I listened to Taylor Swift
And, therefore, wasn’t tempted by anything other than her fragile innocence
I turned the sound up three decibels so that there
Would be no assertive “hey” loud enough to interrupt
Me who is always so whimsically unprepared
Every time I walked past that café’s chair,
It was hard for me, but I was ultimate glad that it was there
It made me feel validated in the choices I was making;
It was a good reminder
To never again expect anything else from anyone
It was the acknowledgement that never allowing yourself to fall
Rids you of any opportunity to get heartbroken by the most gorgeous man you thought you might have the slightest potential to finally love